Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
a) About the national language part- I dont blame him, he is just one among the hundreds of folks who seem to think that because they speak Hindi, then Hindi BECOMES the national language:
http://www.indiabook.com/india-information/official-language.html - India has 18 national languages and Tamil is one of them.
"When I go to Japan, I do expect people to know japanese and if YOU do not, then man, you seriously need some counselling. In the same way, when you come to India, you expect people to know Hindi. You would be surprised to add this one fact to your limited set of facts, that apart from your state and 2-3 others (in the south) every other state in India can understand, if not speak, hindi. And pardon me, but I do not know the amendment. Is Hindi no longer our national language? Is that what you are trying to imply?"
Leave aside the fact that India happens to be the third largest English Speaking nation in the world. But NO stuck up bombay bastards are going to speak only in HINDI. There is a name for this attitude and it is called ARROGANCE. You go to Japan, you speak Japanese, you come to Chennai, you speak TAMIL. Period. No other country has so many different languages , which is also a reason why India is so unique and beautiful. Once folks understand this, it could be a better place. Ever tried speaking in English. Chances are the auto driver would have understood you. Why should the 2-3 states learn Hindi? Tamil/Telugu/malayalam/Kannada is the way we have spoken for ages, and we arent going to learn Hindi to appease some YOU-DONT-KNOW-HINDI-SO-U-CANT-BE-INDIAN guys from Bombay. You have a problem, you can keep your sorry whiny little asses back in the shithole where it belongs.
About transportation... Hmm... get some facts straight. We have trains running at every 3 minutes from every goddamned railway station. The Japanese came to bombay and they were baffled at the efficiency of the railway network. It has been awarded 6 sigma status. Go fetch a management dictionary. I'm sure you wont have a clue as to what I am speaking about. As far as they being crowded, well, atleast people dont come half naked in lungis and throw banana peels and groundnut fluff right next to where they are sitting. ohh and they (your people) sit on the dirty stained floors when theres no place. Atleast we are more civilised.
Let me get this straight...Civilization is covering every square millimeter with paan spit. Decorating every street wall with urine. Defecating on public roads. Having asia's largest slum. Ensuring that atleast one bomb explodes every day. If these reflect a civilized society, I am happy to be in a place where these arent done.
Railway Network has been awarded 6 sigma status??As far as I know the dabbawallahs have six sigma. I would first recommend finding out what six sigma is all about. Do let me know where I can find information on that. BTW just to set the record straight. I am a black belt in Six Sigma (This is not for blowing my own trumpet, but in response to :"I'm sure you wont have a clue as to what I am speaking about").
Well people throw banana peels and groundnut fluff here right next to where they sit? Atleast they dont cover the place with red paan spit and urinate all over like Bombay. Our people sit n dirty stained floors.. have u ever been to VT dude? Or are you arguing just for the sake of it?
Talking about booze and nightlife? You should have atleast thought up some decent excuses before opening that shithole mouth of yours. If a hotel like ITC's Chola Sheraton tells me that Bacardi and Smirnoff are banned in Tamil Nadu, then I would take it better than your half baked facts. I'm sure you do not have the capacity to go to Durrant's in Sheraton to get your facts right. Unless of course some local brand called MGM Vodka is your benchmark. And dude, if you say bombay has bad nightlife....seriously... think again. The total number of discos here (in Chennai) would be lesser than the bad ones of bombay. Ohh and for your miniscule brain heres one more fact to try and retain: Bombay is the entertainment and fashion capital of India. Know what entertainment means? Ohh yaa for you it will be limited to your state tamil nadu and everything that is tamil. And fashion, well... no use commenting... you guys call lungis as fashionable.
ITC hotels DO NOT STOCK BACARDI and SMIRNOFF. Have you been to a pub called Zaras? You get everything and heres a lil list for you:
1. Jack Daniels - Gentleman Jack Best of my knowledge you get only JD No 7 in Bbay.
2. Johnnie Walker - GOLD LABEL. Heard about it? Its a premium vatted malt.
3. Chacrai Rum (you get an amazing cocktail with margharita)
4. Beer: Bud, Fosters, Corona.
This is just one of the places. Now I am not sure if you went to a local wine shop and asked him for a Vodka Martini shaken but not stirred.
Bombay is the entertainment and fashion capital of india??? Err and who gives that certification? My toilet is more entertaining and fashionale than all of bombay and I flushed it 3 days ago :).
Seriously...Now who said being in lungis is fashionable? Its the local attire. But I shouldnt be surprised. People with your intellect normally mingle with those in Lungis and you assume everyone wears lungis
And ya Ezekiel 25:17 was pretty impressive. But I am sure a person with your intellect couldnt have understood or appreciated Pulp Fiction.
To conclude: DUMPSTER IS ACTUALLY DEPRIVING HIS VILLAGE (BOMBAY) OF AN IDIOT....Go Back and Stay There
Monday, June 27, 2005
Lets see where to start.
Its really difficult arguing with people who have a single point of view and have a holier-than thou attitude which is fairly common to most of the hindi speaking folks who come to Chennai.
You expect everyone to know Hindi...Who knows Tamil when we go to Bbay. Dont give me that shit abt Hindi being the national language ..The constitution has been amended for cryin out loud. Go check it for yourself. When you go to Paris or Japan, you dont expect people there to speak in English, leave alone Hindi. What do you then? Crib and post blogs? Most of those who crib about chennai have an IQ of around 2 and it actually takes 3 to grunt!
If chennai smells of dyning roses, havent you guys ever visited your famous JUHU beach? Railway loos smell better.
When people talk about inaccessible places in chennai, is it any better elsewhere in the country. Bombay has names like Borivilli, Sakinaka etc which arent exactly easy on the tongue either. And the way you go to them...Sheesh! Chennai folks have got it much better.
Ok My favorite subject transportation.. People crib about chennai transportation, bombay folks use that contraption they call as LOCAL TRAIN. People actually use it on a regular basis. Getting out of the train , you can feel your right ball shifted near your tonsil and the left one near your big toe. This I guess puts an end to the argument. If you persist....Chennai has a very good train service. People actually sit and travel on trains which might come as a culture shock to people from bombay.
And about autos fleecing you.....I can just laugh. WE ARE IN INDIA. ITS AN UNWRITTEN LAW THAT ANY STRANGER GETS FLEECED IN A NEW CITY. Happens in Bombay, happens in blore, happens in chennai . Period.
Ok Night Life.... People forget that Chennai has the Largest outdoor discotheque in Asia. People forget that discotheques and pubs are bigger and a lot better than in rest of the country. Yes .. the last few months, they did start to close at 12:00 in the night. And I am not too happy with that. But again, thats more of a gripe with the stupid govt than the city. Till 2 months back, Chennai was the only place where you could party ALL NIGHT LONG.Less number of pubs and discos? Well compared to blore and bbay the number is less, but it makes up in qualiity. I wonder if bombay has any pub which actually plays decent music( Enigma plays Britney Rocket-Scientist Spears, Fire and Ice, when open used to play N-Faggots-Sync..people were dancing to this crap!!!!).
City with no liquor??? Dude were you in Chennai actually? If by that you were lookin for shady places arnd the beach where you get liquor for 10 bucks (and a BJ for free) like, I am told, in bbay, tough luck.
Like with all typical bombay guys who collectively have as much intellect as that of a garden hose, this dude uses some phrase "aandu-gundu" which would typically make sense in the language people speak on his planet..Yet comes here , cribs about chennai folks not understanding "aandu gundu". I speak decent Hindi, still I cant understand a shit when I go to Bombay!.
Yes you need to know Tamil to come here. WE ARE HAPPY THE WAY WE ARE! IF YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS HERE, LEARN TAMIL OR GET A GUY WHO KNOWS THE LANGUAGE. Else you can cool your ass wherever you are. WE DONT NEED YOU!!!!.
One thing that this guy was absolutely heads on was that the city doesnt deserve any more coverage. YES particularly by sorry rotten bombay guys. Bombay people who collectively prove that evolution can happen in the reverse and were the prime reason for the government to issue a ban on cloning.
Why is Chennai a metropolis? Well coz we are probably the last shred of sanity compared to all other metropolises. If someone is bleeding in the road, we actually help them. We dont have explosions every day. We are a safe city! We have clean beaches and even cleaner bitches :). We are proud of the way the city is. We dont go to other cities and bitch about them. We are hospitable and we do treat guests in a nice way. But we are slowly realizing that you cant please everybody and we are starting to get very...very pissed off!!!!
10. Last Man Gaaji.. Even if the last man is out, the other person will continue to bat.
9. If the ball hits u thrice on your leg too bad..u are out.
8. We heard of football style substitutions, we would have a tennis style.. Non Playing Captain (and Ganguly would be the first:)).
7. One pitch catches allowed. But the caveat is one pitch catches should be taken with one hand.
6. In view of rising costs, the runner would be using a long stick or twig, thereby dramatically reducing costs for cricket bats.
5. Going further, the stumps at the popping crease would be replaced with only one stick, thereby reducing costs further.
4. Concept of "oppukku-chappani" to be introduced. Some players would be designated "Oppukku - chappani" and would basically just stand on the field irrespective of the team which is batting. This could be players out of form or those deserving a firm talkin to.
3. To reduce costs further, during drink breaks, players would have to purchase their own drinks. Pepsi would be replaced with "Fepsi" (which happens to be crushed, flavored ice in a thin, long plastic cover and u basically suck out of one end) and sliced mangoes.
2. There would be no umpires, instead the batting team's reserve player would function as umpires.
and the number one change is...
1. Any player can be replaced at any time.. All u wud have to do is Holler "HURTIRITED" (anagram of retired hurt) and that player can be replaced.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Scenario: You are late for work and it is a bright sunny day. You start driving from home and before you get to the hospital, you have a puncture in a main road near the town centre and thankfully for you, you are not obstructing traffic.
Mission: To repair the tyre and get to work, if possible in time.
The Simple Way: Fold your sleeves, loosen your tie, get the spare and the jack out, change the flat tyre with the spare and drive to work. Go to the work shop in the evening and get the flat tyre repaired. (If you are an amazingly lucky person, then you are bound to have another puncture after you have changed the spare tyre and God save you).The Safe Way: You get down of the car and call your hospital and tell that you are stuck and would be late. Walk to the nearest puncture shop (which you would find within 5 mins walking distance in any city, town or village) and fetch the dirty puncture shop kid to replace your tyre with the spare and drive to the shop and get the puncture closed while you enjoy a tea and vadai in the nearby tea shop (you will positively find one next to ever tyre repair shop in Chennai).
The Stupid Way: Don't take your seatbelt off and call your breakdown agency. Call the hospital and inform that you don't know whether you would be reporting today. Wait till support comes. 'Report' the incident to your support guy and answer a couple of very intelligent questions he asks like, whether any animals, insects or old people were harmed (in that particular order) in the process of your tyre getting punctured. If unfortunately for you, that had happened then your breakdown guy will immediately leave, coz you would have to call your insurance agency from now on.
After making sure there no threat to national integrity on helping you, the repair guy, replaces your flat tyre with the spare and relieves you to go to work, if there is any time. The next day you apply for leave in the hospita. Fix up an appointment with the garage (goddammit..!!!) and wait in the lounge for 2 hours staring at the receptionist's face who keeps asking you whether you need a drink every 10th minute.
I am still pondering what they REALLY mean when they call themselves a developed country.
What a waste.....